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Saving the family: spouses on the verge of divorce will be sent to psychologists
Former spouses Vladimir and Lyudmila Starikov lived together for almost 9 years, 7 of them in perfect harmony, but their attitude towards life and towards each other changed significantly.
Vladimir Starikov's ex-wife Lyudmila Starikova: "For the last few years, we have essentially lived as neighbors, but we lived and did not separate. The relationship was rather cold. I worked and took vacations, he worked and stayed home on a schedule of almost 7/0. He did not see me, and I did not see him. "That's how we lived for the last two years."
Vladimir recalls that during their arguments he repeatedly tried to persuade Lyudmila to go to a family psychologist, but in vain.
Lyudmila Starikova's ex-husband Vladimir Starikov: "At that moment, in order to get to him, they had to tie me up and drag me by force. Because at that moment I didn't really understand what was happening. The thought lingered in my head. You need to earn less money and earn more, but you can't earn more, even if you work a lot. "I came home and rested, and my wife asked for my attention, but I was tired and didn't want anything."
In order to minimize such stories, the State Duma proposed making a visit to a psychologist's office a mandatory procedure before a divorce.
Igor Antropenko, member of the House of Representatives of the Russian Federation: "Divorce statistics show that for approximately 15% of couples, the main reason for divorce is a lack of mutual understanding between families. Accordingly, we believe that such measures can and will remain effective. This has saved a significant number of marriages."
We plan to refer spouses who have already filed for divorce to experts. The law now gives justices of the peace the right to divorce a husband and wife within three months of filing an appeal, giving them a chance to reconcile. Now they suggest that we use this time wisely. Psychologists Dmitry and Lyudmila Shugaev have been saving other people's marriages for more than five years. According to them, help should be sought as early as possible, and not when couples are already on the verge of divorce.
Family psychologist Dmitry Shugaev: "Unfortunately, I can say that we do not have a culture of searching for psychologists. Unfortunately, people turn to a psychologist very late. That is, when the situation is very difficult, we expect an ambulance to come to us. Some couples turn to us for permission to divorce. This means that it is difficult for them to make decisions on their own. They see us as people who will help them and make a choice for them."
In fact, no one will decide anything for you at a family psychologist's appointment. The professional's task is to help you understand the causes of the conflict and resolve it together.
Family psychologist Lyudmila Shugaeva says: "Sometimes couples have a misunderstanding of the cause of the conflict, which in fact lies in something else, and not in something obvious at first glance. If their core values coincide, everything else can be resolved. This is the most offensive aspect of the whole situation. "If people love each other and have common goals, any marriage can survive."
Today, the Church also provides assistance in preserving marriages. In the counseling of the righteous John in Kronstadt, Archpriest Mikhail Zazvonov holds personal conversations with parishioners. According to the spiritual father, most decisions to divorce a spouse are simply a thoughtless mistake.
Mikhail Zazvonov, Archpriest and spiritual father of the John the Righteous Consultative Center in Kronstadt: "If you analyze the situation, there is basically nothing at the root of the conflict. Gradually, everything starts with pride. If you turn to people, they will begin to see the situation from a different angle and, in principle, this crisis can be overcome. I believe that such consultations with classical psychologists and classical family psychology are appropriate. "I think that our plan can really save our family."
Even after going through a divorce, Vladimir Starikov coped with the breakup by turning to a psychologist. Lyudmila's life also improved, and she met a new love - a young man named Vasily. He never refuses a specialist's consultation, even for preventive purposes.
Lyudmila Starikova's boyfriend Vasily Ignatov said: "If this had been observed from the start and people were more familiar with psychology and understood how the brain works and how relationships are formed, this might not have happened. It would have been possible to save the relationship."
Last year alone, 680,000 divorce cases were filed in Russia. The new plan is designed to correct this sad statistic. The agent suggests referring not everyone to a family psychologist, but only couples with minor children or where one of the spouses is against the separation.